Spectacular Vegan Nacho Recipe

Vegan delicacy of the day: nachos. But not just any nachos. These are organic-red-tortilla-chips-with-homemade-salsa-and-guacamole nachos. I know, you're jealous. My lunch has, like, seven times the nutritional value of yours, is fucking delicious and looks like a technicolor dreamcoat.

Don't get mad at me for my superior diet, get even! You, too, can make Spectacular Vegan Nachos--just follow this top secret recipe, invented in my kitchen last night.

Salsa:
1 tomato about to go moldy
1 shallot clove, already partially moldy
2 green onions
1 radish (currently 49.5 cents per bunch at Rosauers)
fresh cilantro
lime juice
crushed red pepper

Chop up the veggies and cilantro, chuck 'em all together, and add lime juice and crushed red pepper to taste.

Guacamole:
1 avocado
salt
pepper
lime juice

Self-explanatory. If you want it runnier, add a splash of soy milk.

Beans:
1/3 can vegetarian refried beans
soy milk

Mix some soy milk in with the beans for easier glopping.

Nacho instructions: Spread out a single layer of nacho chips on a plate. start with beans, then add guacamole and olives. Stick these in the oven at 350 for a few minutes, just to get them toasty. Throw some salsa on top once they're out of the oven and there you have it.